Have you ever stopped to think about the energy you bring to your relationship? No matter what faults you think your partner has, no matter how huge the problems in your relationship, there is something you can do today, to make you start feeling better. And it’s actually so simple, you can do it yourself, starting right now!
Creating an attitude of gratefulness is infectious. It has a ripple effect in your life wherever you are. The research is out, gratitude makes us happy. It is not that happy people feel grateful but rather that grateful people feel happy. And no matter where you are in the problems of life, no matter how difficult the challenges you face, you can start by taking small steps towards feeling grateful.
A good way to start is to remind yourself when you first wake that you would like to have a grateful attitude. You can begin by being thankful for the gift of life itself and as you place each foot on the ground as you go about your morning routine, you can say thank you, over and over with each step. You could begin by being thankful for just two things in every day or by keeping a gratitude journal. I suggest you write down five things each day you are grateful for, big or small.
Our brains are wired for survival and so they tend to naturally remember the threatening experiences more readily than the positive ones so as to protect us from future danger. Most of us need to consciously choose then to notice the good things but once we start making that a habit it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don’t mean that we avoid facing our situations by taking a Pollyanna approach. That never works. However, when we choose to hold onto what is good alongside a capacity to face our loss, we truly cultivate a holistic wellness approach to living. We move from not just noticing the good but to valuing the good and over time we store that experience in our memories.
How does this effect our relationships? It has a ripple effect! When we consciously choose to start seeing the good in our partners every aspect of our interaction changes. Our communication patterns change and we begin to be open to the most important things in developing great relationships. It may be that they feel like the most difficult people in the world to love or to live with. It doesn’t matter.
When we decide to see the good in them rather than waiting for their next irritating habit to impinge upon us, or rather than being critical, blaming or attacking, our partners change before our very eyes. We start to see them with fresh eyes. We start to see them and really see them, as people who have their own life histories and struggles, our hearts begin the journey of becoming compassionate. Love has many properties. Acknowledgement, recognition, forgiveness are but a few. Being grateful for the smallest things in our partners can bring about the biggest change. Don’t take my word for it. Try it, play with it and have the time of your life!
For more valuable relationship advice or to make an appointment for singles or couples counselling in Melbourne, speak with Margie on 0403 814 477.
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