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Tips for Communication: It’s not all about words!

By Margie Ulbrick Leave a Comment

When we talk about communication we often think about what we say and hopefully how we say it.

However, it’s important to realize how much we communicate in non-verbal ways! In particular, I am referring to the attitudes we bring to the relationship.

One of the big pitfalls for relationships is a tendency to pathologize our partners. We can be very good at seeing our partners’ faults and weaknesses to the extent that we even label them with all sorts of disorders. And some times these might even be accurate!

However, even if they are accurate, we may well ask, how helpful is that? How loving and supportive is it, to be always seeing things through the perspective of what is wrong with or not good enough about our partner?

 We may even do this because we are deeply hurt and carrying a sense of feeling unloved, unlovable or rejected. Nevertheless, even though it is all very understandable it is hardly helpful in creating the relationships we want.

So, perhaps it’s time for an inventory of self.

What are the attitudes that you bring to your intimate relationship that are simply there in the field, communicated by virtue of the many million things that are unsaid?

 Make a list. Hopefully they are positive. But if not, if you find you have default positions that are revolving around the other person being inadequate then try for a shift. Try instead for an attitude of patience and gentleness.
Try to cultivate compassion for the other person and commit to seeing things from their point of view. You may well be amazed just how much shifts from you shifting the way you see things or rather what you choose to focus on. And this is communicated in subtle and not so subtle ways.

This post was originally published here.

Filed Under: Guest Post

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Empower-Mindful Relationships-cvr-v3 with blurb

A practical guide for using mindfulness to enrich relationships and effectively manage stresses associated with conflict. The authors explore how we can use mindfulness to develop a more compassionate, friendly relationship with ourselves and others; communicate more effectively; reduce defensive patterns; and work effectively within couples, families and workplaces. Case studies highlight key principles, while practical exercises enable the reader to develop their mindfulness skills.

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About Margie Ulbrick Relationship Counselling

Margie Ulbrick relationship counselling provides psychotherapy services for relationships, stress management and happiness. Margie Ulbrick Counselling offices are based in East Malvern, Melbourne and service the surrounding areas of Chadstone, Glen Iris, Armadale, Ashburton, Malvern, Carnegie, Kew, South Yarra, Toorak, and East St Kilda. Read more about Margie Ulbrick Relationship Counselling.

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