We are a product of our deeply held beliefs and it is our unconscious mind that holds the key to these beliefs. Most often we do not really stop to examine or question these beliefs but they form the basis of our self-esteem and identity. So often I work with people and the deeply held belief of “I’m not good enough” comes to the fore. It may be that we were the brunt of a lot of judgement and criticism as children, or it could be that the standards and expectations of achieving were very high and we simply absorbed this as a norm, which was difficult or even impossible to attain.
Perfectionism
Living in an environment of perfectionism easily creates a sense of not being good enough. Most often it was just a projection of our parents and it was the interpretations we made about their behaviour, which could by the way have had nothing to do with us!
Competition
Another form of the I’m not good enough belief comes via competition with siblings. Often at the root of this is this same core belief, I’m not good enough and implied in that is not as good as my brother or sister, can’t get as much love or approval as they can. This then gets played out long after it has any validity and we act out a self-fulfilling prophecy!
Who do we identify with?
Often we identify strongly as children with mother or father and the idea that we owe some allegiance to them takes hold and continues into adult life. We may be caught in a bind between the expectations of each of them, feeling on the one hand driven to succeed and on the other a desire to stay small and safe. We may even feel a sense of loyalty to someone in the family who we felt sorry for and then unconsciously we sabotage ourselves rather than be seen to outdo that loved one.
Block to Success
It is however a recurring block to being successful in whatever it is that we are doing, whether it is raising a family or climbing the corporate ladder if we hold this core belief of not being good enough in some way or other.
How about a bit of Self Love?
But we are all unique. And if our focus and orientation is on what we lack and what we cannot do then our lives reflect this. However, if we choose to acknowledge our humanity and accept ourselves, just as we are, then we are in a far better position from which to achieve whatever goals and dreams we have. After all, isn’t it a form of arrogance and pride to assume that you should be perfect or that you should be better than you are?
Adopt a Different Stance
So, imagine what it might be like to fully embrace all of you and to allow yourself to be just who you are, warts and all. I like to use the analogy of trying on a new coat for a day. Imagine that in your new coat, you feel just right, not too hot, not too cold. You have a willingness to accept yourself just as you are, to believe that you are in fact enough, regardless of what you do, what you achieve, how much money you earn, where you live, etc etc. You get the idea, it is about acceptance.
Acceptance of what is creates flow in life and allows you to move forward and to take the next step. Resistance keeps you stuck! Acceptance allows the flow of life to bring you opportunities, to see things differently and to try on a new coat, like adopting a different perspective for a while. You can really play with it, feel what it is like to really believe in your heart of hearts that you are enough, just as you are and see how you feel.
I would be happy to help you work with limiting beliefs and to facilitate your move into a greater self-acceptance. I am a Melbourne based Counsellor and Coach. Please contact me on 0403 814 477 to see how I can assist you.
