There can be few more devastating experiences than to experience the betrayal and duplicity of an affair. The initial shock (even when the affair is suspected), numbness and rage can become totally overwhelming as the mind goes into overdrive and one is confronted with many questions such as how long has this been going on, why and how could you do this to me, and even what did I do to deserve/cause this?
However, you can recover and you can learn so much from this experience. In time with good support and hard work you can create a much better relationship than you had before. Relationships need to be safe. Mature adults need to learn to express their needs and face their fears. We choose our partners because they remind us on a subconscious level of our parents and trigger in us in perfect synchronicity the wounds of our childhood such as: fear of anger, of rocking the boat, an inability to express our needs etc
Intimate relationships can heal these wounds and eradicate the scars. But each partner needs to be willing to have courage in facing themselves and in becoming conscious of what it is they bring to the partnership. The relationship is a dynamic and as such the patterns of the partnership need to be looked at in order to see where things went wrong and why. There are sometimes very unconscious forces at work and it is possible with good support to create an entirely different relationship; one in which trust and safety, respect and love become the driving forces, the container if you like for a new beginning.
Margie provides Melbourne relationship counselling, coaching and support in Malvern East, Armadale, Carnegie, Ashburton, Chadstone, Mt Waverley, Glen Iris and Sth Yarra and Toorak. She is also available for Skype consultations. Please contact her for more information.
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