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Further Tips to Creating a Magical Relationship

By Margie Ulbrick Leave a Comment

1) Couples who manage to keep that magic alive seem to have a distinct mindset. They seem to consciously create a very different attitude that allows them to stay positive about their partner and the relationship. They feel privileged to spend their time and their lives with their partner. It is about each day knowing that everything changes and anything is possible!

2) Couples who are aware of a sense of mystery in their lives, a sense of the divine and of the divine purpose that transcends what they can immediately see or hear, often live with a sense of appreciation for their partner and the relationship. They consciously create a spirituality in the relationship which is the foundation for all else. This is a paradigm which is very different from needing to fix their partner or from seeing their partner as a problem. Each person does not allow the thinking of “if only he or she was a certain way or would do X or Y then I would be happy”. They do not rely on each other to make them happy or to fix them. Nor do they try and fix their partner.

3) Such couples seem to possess a high degree of individual responsibility. This is distinct from a selfish me, me, approach where they are focused only on their own needs. Each person takes responsibility for their own growth and allows their partner to do the same. This alleviates the need for constant “fix you” innuendoes and suggestions. Each knows that they cannot take on responsibility for the other. That this would in fact be usurping the other’s role and authority in their own life. They do not try and change their partner. They realise that any discontent in them is their own responsibility and that they are also responsible for the person they bring to the relationship. That is, they do the work necessary to develop themselves, and to take responsibility for their growth. Their job in the relationship is to really cherish and honour their partner and to bring the best person they can be to the relationship.

4) Couples who resonate magic and joy seem to play a lot. They have fun with each other and don’t see problems as being insurmountable. Whatever is showing up in the relationship is seen as gift, and the challenge is one of perception, it is to have a deep level of personal responsibility and to ask, what is required of me here? They are light-hearted about things and do not see problems in the relationship as being personality failures. Rather they see issues as an opportunity for new awareness and a way of expanding consciousness.

5) There may be a disagreement but individuals listen to their own thoughts and ask why am I thinking that way? Then they listen to their partner and really see where the other is coming from, without trying to change or fix their partner. They manage to maintain a strong sense of self and an openness to the other simultaneously. This keeps the relationship in integrity. It also generates a high level of flexibility and support, and of care and compassion.

If you would like some support with your relationships or creating greater happiness in your life, please contact me on 0403 814 477 for a free 10-minute consultation to discuss your needs.

5 Tips on How to End a Relationship with Compassion

By Margie Ulbrick Leave a Comment

Rather than ending a relationship by taking a conflictual, strategic, positional and often highly manipulative approach many people these days are choosing another way. They are seeking to collaborate on how best they can manage an often very difficult and traumatic situation so that all parties are cared for. After all, if there are children involved it is highly likely you will still be having a relationship for many years to come even though your partnership has ended. So, here are some things you can do in this heady situation to ease the pain for everyone.

1) Find out what your common goals are. For example, it may be that you both put the children first. It may be that each party has a house to live in. By working on the common goals you can keep the overall principle of fairness in mind.

2) Do not think about splits in finances in terms of percentages. Rather think about the future that both parties need to create allowing for different income earning capacities, needs for the children etc.

3) Commit yourself to acting and speaking with respect no matter what! Never bad mouth your X to your children and get sufficient support from friends, family or professionals so that you can vent, talk and air your grievances in appropriate places.

4) Think about the long term goals for your life and the sort of family you want to be. You will still be in a family but now it will look different. Think about the values you want for your new family. This will help keep you focusing on the new future you are creating.

5) Choose the values you want to live while going through this difficult process. You may be angry and grief stricken but so too is your X. The more you can remember this and the more support you can enlist to help you get through this process the more harmonious it will be for everyone.

If you would like support in ending a relationship with compassion please contact me on 0403 814 477 or [email protected] to see how I can help you.

Where’s the Magic? Tips on How to Create a Magic Relationship

By Margie Ulbrick Leave a Comment

One of the greatest ways to keep a relationship fresh is to see your partner with new eyes every day. In fact, we are all changing constantly but so often relationships become stale as we take our partners for granted. But how good would it be to let go of expectations and wake up each day with a sense of gratitude for the person beside us and to connect then to them with that mindset?

Imagine for a moment what you could create in your relationship if you took responsibility for yourself, then moved towards your partner with a sense of curiosity asking where’s the magic today? How can we play today and how can I fully appreciate the person you are here with me right now?

There are a few mandatory attitudes you need before you can approach a relationship this way. You need to not expect your partner to make you happy. That’s up to you! It’s an incredibly demanding and unrealistic expectation to expect another person to fill you up or provide you with a reason for living or to give you constant approval. You need to honour and love yourself first before you can love another, so the old cliché goes.

Never try to change your partner or to fix them. Rather see everything they are as a gift to you. Listen deeply allowing them to express who they are without trying to take their problems away from them. Being a partner does not mean taking over their lives or rushing in to fix with solutions, rather it means staying open to the deepening connection between you and staying present to the moment at hand.

If you would like help in creating a magical relationship please contact me to see how I can be of assistance 0403 814 477 or email me.

Empower-Mindful Relationships-cvr-v3 with blurb

A practical guide for using mindfulness to enrich relationships and effectively manage stresses associated with conflict. The authors explore how we can use mindfulness to develop a more compassionate, friendly relationship with ourselves and others; communicate more effectively; reduce defensive patterns; and work effectively within couples, families and workplaces. Case studies highlight key principles, while practical exercises enable the reader to develop their mindfulness skills.

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About Margie Ulbrick Relationship Counselling

Margie Ulbrick relationship counselling provides psychotherapy services for relationships, stress management and happiness. Margie Ulbrick Counselling offices are based in East Malvern, Melbourne and service the surrounding areas of Chadstone, Glen Iris, Armadale, Ashburton, Malvern, Carnegie, Kew, South Yarra, Toorak, and East St Kilda. Read more about Margie Ulbrick Relationship Counselling.

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