Margie Ulbrick – Page 13

You Are Not Your Problems!

It seems obvious and yet we so easily forget. Seemingly bad things happen in our lives, our lives can seem very messy and sometimes quite chaotic. However, no matter what is going on, we often forget that circumstances alter and everything passes. So, wouldn’t it be great to be able to connect into a wider sense that everything will turn out even in the midst of the stresses of daily living? Well, it is possible!

By remembering the very small phrase above, you are not your problems, you can see things as being transient and you can recognise that while parts of you feel overwhelmed, sad, angry, ashamed, betrayed or any manner of other feelings, there is always a part of you to which you have access, that feels alive and spacious and grounded; in short, that is happy just to be, regardless of external factors.

For we are made up of many parts and living beings in process that we are, are also capable of many feelings simultaneously. We can always connect with something larger than what we immediately feel or sense if we know how! The trick is to acknowledge and accept in all honesty, all of the parts that make us unique, but to know that none of these need to define us.

So, take a deep breath and sense into what is larger than your immediate concerns, what is always and forever present, the grounded presence of being. By connecting in with this sense we can experience a connection that is spiritual, timeless, and healing. We can feel a sense of gratitude no matter what is going on. We can shift our perspective ever so slightly and that one small shift may be enough to take us forward into the next step of our lives and to create a new and rich experience.

For assistance in connecting to a deeper part of yourself or for assistance in any relationship issues or matters connected to developing a stronger sense of what is possible in your life, please contact me for a free 10 minute consultation on 0403 814 477 to discuss my Melbourne relationship counselling services.

Intimacy and Independence: How to Get the Balance

By Margie Ulbrick Leave a Comment

When partners recognise the requirement for balance in these two major areas of human need, intimacy and independence, closeness and separateness, a relationship has a sound base. It follows that a good relationship allows the persons involved to be totally themselves and totally present in intimacy. It is not always easy to manage the conflicting needs of closeness and space in the human psyche.

When it is working well a couple will feel able to totally let go into the relationship but not give themselves away when letting themselves into intimacy. This facilitates a move into their own wholeness as an individual and equally, moving into that wholeness in the intimacy of the couple. The “we” becomes “one” and moves between the two.

It may be a natural human tendency to struggle with this balance, holding on v’s letting go, holding back v’s giving all, but couples who take responsibility are really able to notice the part they play in withdrawing and withholding themselves from the relationship. They are able to rise to the challenge to both meet their partner as and where they are, and where their partner is, and they see their relationship as a means to growth.

We go through stages, the growth happens in the intimacy, the closeness, and then there is time for more focus on the individual growth. Then there is a coming back to the intimacy, almost like a harmonica. Couples may ask of themselves and each other: in what ways is my growth served and fed by the relationship, the intimacy, and by what I do for my individual growth? Balance between these two needs is essential for honouring the needs of individuals and relationship.

Couples with a high level of respect for each other can move between these competing needs fluidly. It is a balance between taking care of ourselves and loving ourselves and loving the other person. Responsibility entails asking what am I bringing to the other person? Am I just wanting to be filled up, completed, get my needs for approval and love met, or am I also about bringing love, respect and honour to the other person?

Managing conflict can be seen to be creative not problematic. By taking individual responsibility, each partner can look honestly at their habits and needs and look underneath to see what is perhaps less evident. For example, if one person is demanding or expecting approval from the other it can become overly onerous on the other partner. Another example is to look at the different upbringings of each partner and understand where the differences bring the challenge. Really getting to know where the other person is coming from on any issue, allowing them to be that way, and talking about it, creates a possibility for harmony and a coming together with respect, respect for the differences as well as the similarities.

When this attitude of honouring and appreciating one’s partner is evident in every aspect of the relationship, the experience of relationship can be seen as an adventure, indeed the greatest adventure there is!

If you would like some support with your relationships or creating greater happiness in your life, please contact me on 0403 814 477 for a free 10-minute consultation to discuss your needs.

Further Tips to Creating a Magical Relationship

By Margie Ulbrick Leave a Comment

1) Couples who manage to keep that magic alive seem to have a distinct mindset. They seem to consciously create a very different attitude that allows them to stay positive about their partner and the relationship. They feel privileged to spend their time and their lives with their partner. It is about each day knowing that everything changes and anything is possible!

2) Couples who are aware of a sense of mystery in their lives, a sense of the divine and of the divine purpose that transcends what they can immediately see or hear, often live with a sense of appreciation for their partner and the relationship. They consciously create a spirituality in the relationship which is the foundation for all else. This is a paradigm which is very different from needing to fix their partner or from seeing their partner as a problem. Each person does not allow the thinking of “if only he or she was a certain way or would do X or Y then I would be happy”. They do not rely on each other to make them happy or to fix them. Nor do they try and fix their partner.

3) Such couples seem to possess a high degree of individual responsibility. This is distinct from a selfish me, me, approach where they are focused only on their own needs. Each person takes responsibility for their own growth and allows their partner to do the same. This alleviates the need for constant “fix you” innuendoes and suggestions. Each knows that they cannot take on responsibility for the other. That this would in fact be usurping the other’s role and authority in their own life. They do not try and change their partner. They realise that any discontent in them is their own responsibility and that they are also responsible for the person they bring to the relationship. That is, they do the work necessary to develop themselves, and to take responsibility for their growth. Their job in the relationship is to really cherish and honour their partner and to bring the best person they can be to the relationship.

4) Couples who resonate magic and joy seem to play a lot. They have fun with each other and don’t see problems as being insurmountable. Whatever is showing up in the relationship is seen as gift, and the challenge is one of perception, it is to have a deep level of personal responsibility and to ask, what is required of me here? They are light-hearted about things and do not see problems in the relationship as being personality failures. Rather they see issues as an opportunity for new awareness and a way of expanding consciousness.

5) There may be a disagreement but individuals listen to their own thoughts and ask why am I thinking that way? Then they listen to their partner and really see where the other is coming from, without trying to change or fix their partner. They manage to maintain a strong sense of self and an openness to the other simultaneously. This keeps the relationship in integrity. It also generates a high level of flexibility and support, and of care and compassion.

If you would like some support with your relationships or creating greater happiness in your life, please contact me on 0403 814 477 for a free 10-minute consultation to discuss your needs.

5 Tips on How to End a Relationship with Compassion

By Margie Ulbrick Leave a Comment

Rather than ending a relationship by taking a conflictual, strategic, positional and often highly manipulative approach many people these days are choosing another way. They are seeking to collaborate on how best they can manage an often very difficult and traumatic situation so that all parties are cared for. After all, if there are children involved it is highly likely you will still be having a relationship for many years to come even though your partnership has ended. So, here are some things you can do in this heady situation to ease the pain for everyone.

1) Find out what your common goals are. For example, it may be that you both put the children first. It may be that each party has a house to live in. By working on the common goals you can keep the overall principle of fairness in mind.

2) Do not think about splits in finances in terms of percentages. Rather think about the future that both parties need to create allowing for different income earning capacities, needs for the children etc.

3) Commit yourself to acting and speaking with respect no matter what! Never bad mouth your X to your children and get sufficient support from friends, family or professionals so that you can vent, talk and air your grievances in appropriate places.

4) Think about the long term goals for your life and the sort of family you want to be. You will still be in a family but now it will look different. Think about the values you want for your new family. This will help keep you focusing on the new future you are creating.

5) Choose the values you want to live while going through this difficult process. You may be angry and grief stricken but so too is your X. The more you can remember this and the more support you can enlist to help you get through this process the more harmonious it will be for everyone.

If you would like support in ending a relationship with compassion please contact me on 0403 814 477 or [email protected] to see how I can help you.

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You Are Not Your Problems!

Intimacy and Independence: How to Get the Balance

Further Tips to Creating a Magical Relationship

5 Tips on How to End a Relationship with Compassion

About Margie Ulbrick Relationship Counselling

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