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Loss and Learning

By Margie Ulbrick Leave a Comment

Confronted with loss of human life, livelihood, personal property and the possibility of loss of identity, human beings have the capacity for remarkable courage, spirit and grace. Often I think of freedom fighters such as Nelson Mandela who said that despite all he endured, the one thing his jailers could not take from his was his human dignity and spirit.

When nature threatens to overcome us, when life turns unexpectedly sour, when we lose relationships or when we feel threatened and unsafe; when all that we have known and loved and possibly taken for granted, is stripped wholly from us, we have an opportunity. After the initial shock, sometimes we see that we can respond in a whole manner of ways.

For those that are blessed enough to see in the midst of death, darkness and despair, a potential for life, light and hope, they can find their lives changed indelibly forever. No longer content with superficial living, they commit to seeking what is truly valuable to confront in a personal and potentially life-changing way, the eternal questions of the true meaning of life: Who am I? What does my life mean? What am I here for? For those that cannot see any way to endure let alone grow, there is the possibility of trust.

When all ahead only looks grim and grey and when all hope seems to be lost, human beings have a capacity for trust: trust in the divine, in the life-giving force, in spirit. It is the ability to open up to spirit which seems like a complete grace that offers millions of tiny everyday miracles and turns even the most difficult experiences into opportunities for growth and regeneration. Wherever there is life, there is death; and nature has seen this vast land of ours confronted with floods, fires and droughts, and still the human spirit survives and sometimes, thrives.

© Margie Ulbrick,  Counsellor

If you would like some support with your relationships or creating greater happiness in your life, please contact me on 0403 814 477 for a free 10-minute consultation to discuss your needs.

Trust and Fear

By Margie Ulbrick Leave a Comment

Years ago when I first realized I had trust “issues” I was inclined to blame those who had lied to me, those closest to me, my parents in their noble though misguided notion that they were protecting me. In delving into lies and secrets as I have in my work as a therapist I have learnt much that has surprised me.

I’ve learnt that protection is a two edged sword and very often those that lie and say that they are protecting someone are often conflict avoidant and really very scared themselves. Trust like many other aspects of relationships is often a projected quality.

One man I spoke to had even “joked” about his belief that his wife would have an affair, years before she ever considered the same. He held beliefs about his own unworthiness for love and fears of abandonment which he acted out in their relationship.

Trust is the direct opposite of fear, trust that even though we cannot see, know or understand all things, they can still be brought to good, that good can come from the most dire of circumstances if make space for miracles. The most important gift we can give ourselves is the gift of trust, when we act from an inner knowing, knowing that we can trust ourselves to act with integrity and authenticity. Ironically it is then that we no longer need to worry about whether others are trustworthy. This is a good place to come to when one does the work and starts to define one’s self in this way. Fear has no place here.

We can set the intention to trust even when it looks like others may not deserve our trust, we hold the space for trustworthy behaviours and actions and we trust that we can also take appropriate measures to care for ourselves moment to moment as life unfolds from this trusting space. Intimacy I’ve heard described is trust in the universe to provide what you need when you need and in the manner most appropriate for you. Being real creates trust, falsity lives and lurks in the shadows casting its web of playmates, anxiety and guilt into inextricable roles in its dance.

© Margie Ulbrick

If you would like some support with your relationships or creating greater happiness in your life, please contact me on 0403 814 477 for a free 10-minute consultation to discuss your needs.

Time Living Now

By Margie Ulbrick Leave a Comment

Time is of the essence. The time is now. Where did all the time go? Time can seem so important to how we live our lives and yet as a concept it is also pretty nebulous and often unexamined.

What is your relationship with time? It may seem weird to consider it that way but we all have a relationship with time that affects us profoundly. Do you feel like you are always running out of time, that there are never enough hours in the day? And what of that upsetting little stressor, running late and never on time?

The way we use language of course can be very telling. If you want to uncover the script that is running you with time just replay a few of these phrases in your head and watch how you react. What do you notice and feel in your body? What memories come up? What happened as a child when you were not ready on time for the adults who controlled your schedule? How much resentment do you have about time, “wasting” time, or the giving of your precious time to others? Are you passive aggressive about time, keeping others waiting and always late? Or do you feel empowered to choose how you spend your time and a corresponding sense of mastery in your life?

How do you feel about ageing, birthdays and marking the milestones of time? Who directs your use of time both in work and leisure and what makes up that work life balance that today for many seems so allusive. It is definitely worth “spending time” considering your own relationship with what is at once seemingly infinite and endlessly gone. Do it now!

© Margie Ulbrick

If you would like some support with your relationships or creating greater happiness in your life, please contact me on 0403 814 477 for a free 10-minute consultation to discuss your needs.

Life Purpose

By Margie Ulbrick Leave a Comment

Finding a life purpose may well be the most significant thing you do with your life. It is just too easy to sail on from day to day without ever giving much thought and consideration to what is your reason for being here. Now, of course, we all have numerous reasons, family, work, hobbies, things that we get involved in, that keep us busy. But this is different from being on a deliberate path. A path that you choose rather than one you simply end up on or fall into. A path in which you intentionally choose how you want to be and feel and act, that together combines to give you a strongly held map that makes sense of your life. Creating a map for yourself in which every day feels like a gift is the sort of life we can lead when we are clear about our life purpose! It acts as a kind of treasure map for our soul.

Too many people end up at the end of their days wondering what was all that about? It should not take a near death experience or a significant life trauma for us to evaluate our lives. Each person alive deserves to feel good about their life, and to appreciate the gift that is a life lived filled with purpose, passion and meaning. Having a life purpose has got people through incredible tragedies. Victor Frankl in Man’s Search for Meaning tells the stories of holocaust survivors who were enabled to endure the most horrific circumstances because of a deeply held sense of life purpose.

Working on discovering and creating your own life purpose that is specific to you and has nothing to do with what others expect or demand of you, can be a surprisingly liberating experience. It can also provide a blueprint to refer to when decisions are upon you and when the going gets tough.

One of the best ways to define your own life purpose is to write down a mission statement, much as any organization does. This helps you have a clear and compelling vision of what you are here for and what your life is about. Having a clear understanding for yourself of what you aspire to be and how you aspire to act, affects every decision and choice you make.

Part of this involves knowing your values, what especially resonates with your heart. I suggest choosing a couple of values which really strike a chord for you, can be a meaningful way to bring about an increased sense of fulfillment in your life and can help illuminate your life purpose. It may be kindness, honesty or forgiveness. You may aspire to be non-judgemental or compassionate or patient. However, whatever values you choose, need to resonate with you and to make sense to you. They need to be consciously chosen and regularly revisited. Reflecting for just a few minutes each day on how you are going with your newly chosen values is necessary to bring about the change you desire. Writing them down is also a great reinforcer.

Someone once said life is too short to live for the weekends. Don’t leave it to chance! It’s too important. Imagine: looking back at the end of your days over your life, imagine the feeling you will have when you can say, yes, that was what I wanted my life to look like, that is how I wanted to live. It may not have turned out like you thought it would; that’s not really the point. The question you will be answering for yourself, is not what happened to me or how hard did I work. For most people it will be how did I live my life and what did I bring to life? Did I live a life connected to what was really meaningful to me? Living a life on purpose brings happiness, and reduces anger, frustration and bitterness. It really is worth the effort.

©Margie Ulbrick

If you would like some support with your relationships or creating greater happiness in your life, please contact me on 0403 814 477 for a free 10-minute consultation to discuss your needs.

 

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Empower-Mindful Relationships-cvr-v3 with blurb

A practical guide for using mindfulness to enrich relationships and effectively manage stresses associated with conflict. The authors explore how we can use mindfulness to develop a more compassionate, friendly relationship with ourselves and others; communicate more effectively; reduce defensive patterns; and work effectively within couples, families and workplaces. Case studies highlight key principles, while practical exercises enable the reader to develop their mindfulness skills.

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About Margie Ulbrick Relationship Counselling

Margie Ulbrick relationship counselling provides psychotherapy services for relationships, stress management and happiness. Margie Ulbrick Counselling offices are based in East Malvern, Melbourne and service the surrounding areas of Chadstone, Glen Iris, Armadale, Ashburton, Malvern, Carnegie, Kew, South Yarra, Toorak, and East St Kilda. Read more about Margie Ulbrick Relationship Counselling.

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