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Intuition: Friend or Foe?

By Margie Ulbrick Leave a Comment

Intuition is a vast intelligence which we just barely tap into or it is nonsense of our imagination, depending on where you sit. In the family in which I was raised it was the rational mind that was given the most value. Anything from the heart or resembling emotion was not to be touched. Thus I was raised deaf dumb and blind to what I now term, my own internal guidance system: my intuition. From experience I now know that intuition is a wonderful gift available to every one of us. I see it as a great friend, a companion I can trust, an aspect of the mystical and spiritual in my life.

Intuition is often thought of as a 6th sense, a kind of knowing that we “inherently” possess. The more consciously we choose to follow our intuition the more we can develop this aspect of our lives and incorporate it into the adventure of our living. A life lived attuned to one’s intuition is often experienced as a life lived on purpose.

But how to describe intuition to one who doe not know what it is: that is the question! How to cultivate a life lived from this place, where does one start? A great way to start to look inwards, to get a sense of an inner life, an inner voice or compass is by processes such as meditation or focusing. Gene Gendlin the originator of focusing talked of the edge of awareness, a vague something which he termed the “felt sense”. This again is distinct from intuition, but developing the capacity to connect with an inner knowing goes along way to describing intuition. In focusing this is done by sensing into bodily awareness. Meditation may not involve body awareness but it can. Practices that are increasingly popular today which teach mindfulness and use it as a modality of immense healing also cultivate awareness. Intuition is another aspect of awareness.

Developing intuition is one thing but what about having the courage to trust it? Many of us are more comfortable with rationality and with the mind than with anything intangible and not able to be proven. Intuition is not evidence based! However, society is showing a greater openness in some sectors to such things as emotional intelligence and intuition is surely a part of E I. The field of executive coaching is developing and the corporate world is now increasingly seeing a place for other aspects of communication and decision making than the purely rational. Even in the field of medicine and science many practitioners are now becoming more open to the place of inner awareness.

So if you want to develop your capacity for intuition start with small choices. Try testing things in your body and checking for bodily repsonses. The body does not lie but the mind can easily confuse us. Ask questions that perplex you and put them to a part of you that is internal. Bring an intention to focus some place inside, to enhance your connection with an inner knowing, an inner wisdom that you can trust is already present. For enhancing this capacity to trust yourself and to follow your own beat, is likely to bring fruits well worth the effort in a rewarding and enriching life, a creative and connected life: a life that takes you into possibilities not yet dreamed of.

© Margie Ulbrick

If you would like some support with your relationships or creating greater happiness in your life, please contact me on 0403 814 477 for a free 10-minute consultation to discuss your needs.

Happy Just Because: Further Tips for Happiness

By Margie Ulbrick Leave a Comment

This is a sequel to an article in the last edition of which outlined qualities discernable in happy people. In that article I outlined that happiness can be taught, it can be grown inside of you like building a muscle. You can raise your happiness set-point, that residual place you always fall back to, by building habits of happiness.

Perhaps one of the greatest gifts we human beings have is the power of choice. Many people feel like they do not have much choice about a whole range of things and this keeps them feeling stuck. In fact when I talk with clients we often discover they have a whole lot more choice than they recognized.

For instance in any given moment we can cultivate the skill of choosing peace. No matter what is going on outside we can consciously decide to feel peaceful. In fact the ability to remain calm and to be peaceful no matter what is happening, can give rise to something more lasting than happiness which is experienced as a profound joy. This is a learnable skill and not just something people are born with. It is possible to develop an attitude and a perspective that allows one to do this despite external stress. The ability to choose peace is available to all of us. It is helpful to be clear about what you can change and what you cannot. An example of this is in our relationships. We cannot change another human being. We cannot force another person be it a sibling, parent, or partner to conform to our wishes. To attempt to control others in this way merely sets us up for frustration. Far better to put our energy into what we can change which always leads us back to ourselves. It is a delightful and simple irony that when we clean up our own act, change the tone with which we speak, change our own attitude to another person and refuse to blame or criticize another, we suddenly find he/she is more willing to co-operate or more receptive to our requests.

Don’t take my word for it. Set yourself a challenge. Pick one difficult relationship in your life and refrain from being critical with this person for one week. Choose to listen to them and honestly put aside your own perspective, just for one week. Choose to really try and see their point of view without justifying your own. Notice how hard it is and keep on going.

But a caution: this is not to say that we should tolerate bad behaviour. In fact we recognize that we have a choice and we clearly state what we will tolerate and what is unacceptable for us. As you find your voice to set boundaries, as you take responsibility for your own behaviour and your own life, as you choose the power of peace in any given moment, the experience of your life changes. You build your happiness muscle step by step. You lay down new neural pathways in your brain and you build for yourself a meaningful and happy life.

© Margie Ulbrick

If you would like some support with your relationships or creating greater happiness in your life, please contact me on 0403 814 477 for a free 10-minute consultation to discuss your needs.

Happy Just Because Part 2

By Margie Ulbrick Leave a Comment

Einstein once said of his life, “the only thing I want to figure out is how to think like God thinks.” If this was God’s life how would God lead it? If these were God’s hands what would God do with these hands.

It is true that the happiest people in life are often those who have found some deeper meaning to which they attribute their life’s purpose. They often relate this to a spiritual if not a religious perspective. Of course there are the happy atheists but it remains true that many people find a deep solace and comfort for life’s struggles from being able to bring a spiritual perspective to bear on life’s challenges.

It seems that these happy ones have often found a way to bring the energy they need to cope with life’s curly ones from combining body mind and spirit in some kind of healthy balance. So, what of developing a spiritual practice which builds your happiness muscle? Well, many people pray or meditate and that offers them a deep sense of relaxation. This calm then fuels their responses and enables them to have a non reactive stance. By non reactive I mean they can choose their behaviours. They are not slaves to the programmes that might otherwise run or ruin their lives: the not good enough voice inside of me, the need for love and approval, for safety and security and the need for being in control.

After all, spirituality is about establishing a relationship with one’s self and the creative life force that is loving, and it is also about surrender and non attachment to outcome. Perhaps this is why happy people are often spiritual ones. They do not try and control life but rather go with life’s flow and energy. They do not need to react emotionally and take offence at criticisms, perceived and otherwise. They have an internal base which is secure. That is, they know to their core that they are loved unconditionally already. Who wouldn’t want the riches of the spiritual life! They are certainly good building blocks for happiness, maybe even joy. The joy that comes regardless of external circumstances.

© Margie Ulbrick

If you would like some support with your relationships or creating greater happiness in your life, please contact me on 0403 814 477 for a free 10-minute consultation to discuss your needs.

Happy Just Because

By Margie Ulbrick Leave a Comment

In this article I will outline some tips on how to build your happiness muscle. Did you know that if you win tattslotto tomorrow it is very likely that in a year from now you will be no happier than you are today? Sounds unbelievable doesn’t it. But it’s true. This is because we all have what psychologists call an inbuilt happiness set point. Our external situation actually doesn’t define our happiness. Have you ever had the experience of working really hard to achieve some goal or another, only to find that when you got what you wanted, the goal posts shifted? We live in a culture that dictates external markers of success: going higher and higher on the corporate ladder, building bigger and better houses or improving the ones we have, making more and more money, having better and better holidays. The list is endless and can easily be substituted for the success of our children, our body images and appearances. No sooner do we reach one pillar of “success” than we find ourselves striving and searching for the next allusive hit or kick. Yet 40% of people on the world’s wealthiest list are more unhappy than the average person.

It is our mind, our attitudes, belief systems and values that creates a framework for happiness. It follows then that happiness is a learnable skill for we can change our attitudes and we now know, thanks to recent discoveries of neuroscience, that we can reprogram our brains.

So what are the qualities that happy people have that set them apart from others? Happy people take responsibility for their happiness. They do not play the complain, blame and shame game. They do not participate in the “poor me” victim story and they have let go of the “why me?” paradigm.

According to Marci Shimoff who has created a model for happiness which she entitles “Happy for No Reason,” research has shown that happy people generally have some definable qualities:

• Happy people are light, they radiate a quality of being easy going, of not taking themselves too seriously.
• They are able to live now: that is they live in the present moment. They do not spend their lives consumed by anxiety about the past or the future. You might say they adopt the motto of “yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, today is a
gift”.
• Happy people are passionate. They generate an enthusiasm wherever they go, they give off an energy that says they are excited about life.
• Optimistic about giving and receiving support, happy people expect the best. They focus on solutions not on problems and here you might say they adopt the motto of “be part of the solution not the problem.” They look for the lessons and opportunities in any given situation, and believing that all experience can be a learning experience, they are able to be at peace with what is.

Happiness then it seems can be a decision. Happy people cultivate an acceptance which reduces their resistance to life and increases their flowing with life. We can increase our capacity for happiness thereby creating a foundation for building a happy life. The Dalai Lama believes that a kind of stable inner happiness is obtained by approaching life with an inner attitude of moving towards life rather than away from it, which he says can have a very profound effect on making us more receptive and open to the joy of living. Perhaps the last word can go to Stephanie Dowrick renowned writer and psychotherapist who says in her book Choosing Happiness Life and Soul Essentials “In taking responsibility for your own happiness you are waking up your will to be happy. It doesn’t mean that you will be innately cheerful from this day forward. It does mean though that happiness (trust, inner confidence and wellbeing) can become your basic stance. In the countless moments of choice you will choose to pay attention to what is positive rather than negative, to what is possible; to what is connecting; to what is uplifting; to what is fair and just – even “good”.

© Margie Ulbrick

If you would like some support with your relationships or creating greater happiness in your life, please contact me on 0403 814 477 for a free 10-minute consultation to discuss your needs.

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Empower-Mindful Relationships-cvr-v3 with blurb

A practical guide for using mindfulness to enrich relationships and effectively manage stresses associated with conflict. The authors explore how we can use mindfulness to develop a more compassionate, friendly relationship with ourselves and others; communicate more effectively; reduce defensive patterns; and work effectively within couples, families and workplaces. Case studies highlight key principles, while practical exercises enable the reader to develop their mindfulness skills.

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About Margie Ulbrick Relationship Counselling

Margie Ulbrick relationship counselling provides psychotherapy services for relationships, stress management and happiness. Margie Ulbrick Counselling offices are based in East Malvern, Melbourne and service the surrounding areas of Chadstone, Glen Iris, Armadale, Ashburton, Malvern, Carnegie, Kew, South Yarra, Toorak, and East St Kilda. Read more about Margie Ulbrick Relationship Counselling.

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