1. Start where you are

It is a life-long process of knowing yourself and uncovering/discovering parts and aspects of yourself so that you can be ‘who you really are’. This is indeed the journey of life! However, it helps to start where we are. We can do this by knowing our values, knowing what our triggers and wounds are, and knowing what is our purpose in life. It also helps to ask the question, how do we aspire to be?

2. Know your values

You may start by thinking about what are your top five highest values. We all have many values that are important to us but what are your top five? When you know what these are and have them integrated with who you are, then you have a landing place and a compass by which to navigate when decisions are to be made. When we act from our values we feel aligned with our integrity and when we are in alignment we know we are being true to ourselves.

3. Know your mission and purpose in life

We all need to have a big why in our lives. What makes us excited, what is our passion, what really motivates us. These are big questions which require some deep reflection and also they may change and evolve over time.

4. Breathe into what feels true

Finally, from moment to moment we have the capacity to choose. When we practice pausing and breathing deeply, sensing inwards and putting the question inside: what feels most authentic right now in this moment, we find a freedom to act from a place that resonates more deeply with our inner selves, a place from which authenticity can flow.

For more tips read the rest of the article here.

When we talk about communication we often think about what we say and hopefully how we say it.

However, it’s important to realize how much we communicate in non-verbal ways! In particular, I am referring to the attitudes we bring to the relationship.

One of the big pitfalls for relationships is a tendency to pathologize our partners. We can be very good at seeing our partners’ faults and weaknesses to the extent that we even label them with all sorts of disorders. And some times these might even be accurate!

However, even if they are accurate, we may well ask, how helpful is that? How loving and supportive is it, to be always seeing things through the perspective of what is wrong with or not good enough about our partner?

So, perhaps it’s time for an inventory of self.

What are the attitudes that you bring to your intimate relationship that are simply there in the field, communicated by virtue of the many million things that are unsaid?

This post was originally published here.

The importance of repairing your relationship when there’s been a misunderstanding or a major letdown cannot be underestimated.

It is a human and biological need to feel heard and understood. We all need to feel respected. Yet, as fragile as we humans are, it is so easy for us to be hurt.

A friend recently complained that in 30 years of marriage her husband had only ever apologized about three times! Another friend who has been married for even longer once confided in me that her husband had never ever apologized. It can easily be the reverse. Men and women sometimes find it difficult to admit a mistake or to take responsibility. Saying sorry and really meaning it, goes along way to enhance the friendship and connectedness of relationships. We can do this by words and by behavior. For some, the old adage applies: ‘actions speak louder than words!’

And yet for others it is not a big deal and it can roll off the tongue too easily! One person I spoke with joked that it would be easier if she just apologized in advance for all the things she didn’t yet know about that she had done wrong! However, when sorry is offered as a replacement for commitment to changing behaviors, then resentment and despair set in.

Yet, it is enormously therapeutic when the opposite occurs. It takes humility and courage to really acknowledge when you have caused hurt and pain and to take steps to amend the situation. But true growth in the relationship and in personal maturity can occur when this happens!

Being truly prepared to walk a mile in another’s shoes, to listen fully, and to try and understand the effects of your behavior without justifying or defending it, this is where deep healing becomes possible.

A sincere apology is like a balm to the woundedness of our human psyche. And the words “I am sorry, please forgive me”, will most likely, when combined with an honest acknowledgement of responsibility, heal the person who offers it, even if the apology is not received. The Hawaiian Hoopoonopono prayer goes like this: I’m sorry, please forgive me, I thank you and I love you. A sincere apology is like a gift that opens the heart and has a ripple effect throughout the relationship.

This post was originally published here.